Making friends

 A month ago I met a stranger, apparently we were chasing the same cause. He was outgoing, lively and initiated the conversation between us and I liked it. He took my phone number after the day and later we started chatting. Alas, I had made a friend. We kept chatting after then about life, jokes,other personal stuff including the original cause of meeting. Unfortunately things didn't go well for him and on realization, he just cut off contact. A friend made and lost within only 2 weeks!

I've often encountered similar situations where I meet strangers, we turn into "friends" chatting on a daily basis and in an instant they back off without notice and in a very short time. It leaves me with a question, how exactly do they feel after that? 

For the first time after one has met me, one might think I'm the most outgoing person. It also surprises me how I manage to give a cocktail of characteristics. I always seem outgoing and lively but when inside I know I'm a shy lonely introvert that enjoys his own company. Everytime I make a new friend, I think my angel in heaven throws a party because to me, attachment isn't a one day thing. At times I've always thought my mind is always protecting me from danger ahead because I think that the easier I give in, the harder it will be to accept reality of parting in the end. It has made me get my own difference between loneliness and solitude. The former is when you see someone you were happy with, share the same happiness with others except you while solitude is when everyone is happy with one another except you, but it doesn't bother you because you're protected in your own space. To me, friendship just comes. It's never applied for. Someone might admire your personality, or some kind act that you did someday and they admire you for that. Or even when you're chasing the same cause. I've at times made "friends" through hangouts or when I'm enjoying my leisure time but with time along, I realize that we only share that part of leisure in our friendship. The problem is that it again takes me too long a time to get out of my shell and hang out again. Attachments are a different kind of thing. Sometimes you think you've gotten someone to complement you but after the walls of life close in and they leave, you don't even have the energy to hate them. You hate yourself instead. They leave a very deep void in your heart that keeps you wondering what went wrong and from where did it turn, such that you can protect your energy in the future since you cannot undo time. 

Some people are loners, not that they fear association but instead they fear the after effects of association. Loneliness isn't felt when you're alone. It's felt when no one cares. It's worse when even the few that cared nolonger care, but you still do. In that, you have to protect your inner space. You create a wall that no one can break. So once you see someone enjoy their own company, don't think that they don't like to make friends. Fundamentally people are meant to live in groups. It's the broken attachments that hurt most, so once you come, stay. But if you want to leave, don't come. 

Kwats💕